I was motivated to write this blog entry because I stumbled upon the above video of a robot created four years ago by a German company called Festo. Four years ago?! The first thing that crossed my mind was, What the hell is this thing, and why isn’t it delivering my pizza already?

Festo is making some impossibly graceful, lighter than air robots that glide around in an aeronautical ballet set to dated electronic music. One can imagine them evolving into household pets, space ambassadors, or maybe leading a spritely young heroine on a mystical journey of discovery in an animated adventure.

The good folks at BostonDynamics however, have something else in mind for self propelled robots: meet Terminator’s great grandparents…

Holy shit, we’re screwed.

When I look at these very different examples of our ability to shape technological principals into real machines, I can’t help but recite that old design mantra: form follows function. Maybe it’s the weird, black, insect/goat legs of BigDog; but I keep imagining this thing chasing me through the woods to stomp my head in just so it could conserve ammo. Here, I drew a picture of what that might look like. (Terminator is a trademark of Pacificor.)

Would the AirJelly be more menacing if it were hauling camouflaged packs and being kicked around by soldiers? Would PETMAN seem like a robot butler if it were wearing a tuxedo instead of combat boots? I doubt it. I think my discomfort comes from some eerie subconscious connection between each of these robots and either a benign invertebrate, or a complex, aggressive predator. One company is trying to synthesize the eloquence of nature’s most effortless mobility; while the other is perfecting a dauntless, earthbound android. Form follows function.

If you need me, I’ll be stockpiling toilet paper on my compound.

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Jason in an instructor and MFA candidate in Kent State's VCD program.